To All Girl-loving Gamer Boys:

It’s time to end all the ignorance about women gamers and our motives. So listen up:

I am a female. I am a gamer. I am not a gamer because I am boy-hunting. I am not a gamer for you.

I am not a gamer for you.

I happen to be a gamer because I like gaming. I am actually interested in this kind of stuff, and I’m actually good at some of it. Someday I want to be a video game designer, and my job choice’s aim is not to find a husband.

Where the hell do people get off? Where the hell do people get off?!

Just because the video gaming industry is stereotyped as a male-industry doesn’t mean that there aren’t women who are interested as well. And not in the males. Just because it is “techy” or “nerdy” doesn’t mean that it will be shunned be the entire female gender.

I like gaming, I like strategy, I like roleplay. It is the way I am… [a]nd I resent your idea that I couldn’t actually be interested in gaming. Because I am.

[From The Rise of the Woman-Nerd by pearl_gemstone]

Remember that the next time you want to give your opinion on women gamers. Remember this, as well: We are not gamers (or geeks) because we want to date you. We are not gamers because “that’s hawt”. We are gamers because we like to game.

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12 thoughts on “To All Girl-loving Gamer Boys:

  1. I would extend that comment to record collecting and reading comic books.
    I can’t tell you how many times I have been bothered at concerts and at comic book stores by morons who don’t understand that I CAME TO SEE THE SHOW, not to meet guys. Or that I am there to buy comics, not to be picked up. I don’t care about your knowledge of comic-book trivia and I don’t want you to buy me a beer. Sell me my records and let me get out of here.
    It wouldn’t bother me if it just happened once or twice, but it happens nearly every time. Most other places I go it seems like a guy needs some encouragement or at least signals that I’m receptive before hitting on me, but in those “guys only” spaces it’s taken for granted that I’m ready and willing.

  2. Just to add- It’s not that I don’t like to talk to guys at a show or at the store, I actually met my current boyfriend through my hobby.
    It’s the assumption that I couldn’t possibly be interested in those things for their own sake that pisses me off.

  3. Okay, as a gamer, and a guy, this pisses me off for a few reasons.

    First, of course, it pisses me off because to treat a woman like this is to reduce her to nothing more than an object for gamer guys’ collective fantasies; in effect, to negate her personhood. You’re no longer a individual woman, you’re a member of the class “gamer girl,” and that’s all that’s important to know. There are too many gamer guys who so rarely come into contact with women that as soon as they see one that’s even vaguely interested in the things they’re interested in, their little minds go *snap*.

    The second “piss me off” point is less important overall but more frustrating to me on a day-to-day basis, and that’s that this kind of behavior means that there are fewer girl gamers, GODDAMMIT. It’s not that that frustrates me because “I really want to date them,” it’s that I enjoy having female players in my RPGs, I like reading female opinions on video games, I find female-authored geek works refreshing and interesting. Jackie Cassida and Nicky Rea are two of my favorite RPG authors. Terri Wendling and Ellen Datlow are two of my favorite sci-fi editors.

    More diversity is a good thing, and this kind of shit reduces diversity. It makes games worse.

    For example, for me, putting together a good RPG is about telling a compelling story. Well, if my options for players are my friends Mike, John, Al, and Sam . . . well, crap, I guess my compelling story won’t have any female main characters. Which means that it will be less compelling. Of course, I could have John play a woman, which always works so well, what with his extensive experience of the female condition and all. . .


    Yeah, so that’s why I’m pissed off.


    PS. Oh, I guess I should make clear that it’s the sexist behavior of geek guys that’s pissing me off here, not the above referenced post, which (if it wasn’t already clear) I totally agree with.

  4. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    This goes for other things too:

    Science. Programming. Anything computer related at all that’s not word processing or web layout. Mechanics. Engineering.

    Okay, I’m stopping now. //lurk mode=on

  5. I’d like to think I know better than to pester someone who clearly isn’t interested. But, for a lot of reasons, I’d like to be dating a geek. Since I am a straight male, that means I’d like to date a geek girl. So if I see someone interesting in the comic book store- and “interesting” doesn’t just mean the shape of someone’s body, but *is* limited to things you can spot about a person before any conversation- I’m going to want to see if she’s interested.

    Which is to say, I understand that girls don’t pick up geek hobbies just to pick up guys, or other girls, or whoever, but unfortunately, I can’t promise never to chat someone up in the comic book store.

    I understand that it gets annoying, but I’m kind of stuck.

  6. rakehell: I’ve heard this argument before. Hell, I’ve probably made it. But it’s specious. “I can’t meet anybody unless I do this” has never been a good excuse (not that it, or its cousin “if we required this of people, nobody would ever get laid,” doesn’t see continual use). It’s also wrong – there are plenty of other ways to meet women who interest you besides going after a captive audience. (I recommend OKCupid.)

  7. rakehell-it’s not that you aren’t allowed to talk to girls at geeky events. but perhaps talk to them as people. rather than “chat them up”. As a pretty geeky girl, I, like most others, can tell the difference, and can show if we’d be receptive to being chatted up or not. And can show you if we’d be receptive to being hit on or not. Learn this social skill and you’ll be less stuck.

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