It’s just sick, you can’t walk around with your family without some guy telling you that you’re just a thing and he can do whatever he wants to you.

though I really appreciate you thinking of Hollaback when it happened and though I know you don’t need me to tell you this, I think you’re being too hard on yourself because its only those dumbass guys’ fault for what happened and its no shame to do that in certain situations. I really don’t mean to invalidate what you were feeling but I agree with Jeffliveshere, you’re fighting against sexism, against street harassment in a variety of significant ways and this doesn’t change that.

I’ve received the hitch-hiking thing too, walking to work in the morning — the first time I was completely perplexed by it, and stammered something about being late, to which he replied “maybe later then”.

I had thought at the time that maybe it was some new complicated form of asking for change — the street punks around my work seem to have this idea that harrassing people will make them more likely to give you things — but thinking about it now, I wonder if it isn’t some new complicated form of saying “let’s have sex”. I mean, isn’t the message conveyed by the hitch-hiker thumb “pick me up” or “I need a ride?” >->

My theory is that I transform from a potential fantasy object to anybody’s sister when I speak up. If a guy says hello first, or leers at me, same program: I say hello. I do not cross the street or avert my eyes. It’s my street, too. And I don’t mind a friendly smile from a guy walking along the sidewalk. Any assault I have experienced has come from people I knew.

One more thing: at the airport recently, a bunch of college guys were being loud, cursing, and bragging about drunken bouts. It was a subtle harassment of everyone at the baggage claim. Who would say anything to these big young guys? When one of them said something disgusting within my school-age daughter’s earshot, I said “Hey! I have a little girl right here.” They all shut up immediately, the bravado gone. God, I’m tough.

I think that you do a lot to fight this sort of thing, even if you may feel like you’re not fighting it as directly as you might want to right there on the fly with a particular jerk. Every time that you get your ideas out there into the world, they have a chance to change things, and as long as you can keep flinging them out there, you are affecting change. Maybe not change for *that* guy or for the people he will later harass, but change for the world, and for men (and women) in general.

And yet, it will never be as satisfying as being able to feel like you can safely retort; sigh.

Ari: Yeah, I mean, what were you thinking, looking out your window? Clearly that was inviting harassment. I bet you’re a slut, too. (Btw, I read my present on the plane and will have a lot to say about it once I get done pulling the marked quotes from it and Levy’s book).

joyce: Yeah, I wasn’t down for long, so like, no one got organized. I’m going to be down in December for longer, so expect to be called up for some quality time!

Sage said:

Maybe bloggers could amass what works for them on the street on someone’s blog somewhere. (I’d do it, but don’t get a lot of traffic - I’m excited by 5 comments to a post.)

That’s a great post and a great idea! Though I don’t get a lot of traffic, either. The most have been the couple shitstorms I’ve managed to create, or those occassional times when I write things that generates actual discussion. Maybe when Luke comes back he’ll post something on Hollaback Seattle and we can all link it

Dora:

People say that street harassment is nothing? Not a “real” threat? Then why do so many women automatically modify their actions in order to avoid a physical attack? It’s because we understand the harasser’s implicit message.

Oh, come on, it’s obviously a compliment. Not meant to intimidate at all. Which is why it’s usually done by guys in groups and yelled out at women, rather than conveyed in ways that wouldn’t be seen as aggressive behaviour if it was male on male. Oh, wait.

As for the bad: I know exactly what you mean. There’s only been one time that sexual harassment has seriously upset me, and I also could not bring myself to retaliate (yell at the man, inform the people around me, or even look him in the eye) because, I realized, I was afraid he would follow me and hurt me. People say that street harassment is nothing? Not a “real” threat? Then why do so many women automatically modify their actions in order to avoid a physical attack? It’s because we understand the harasser’s implicit message.

I hate that, no matter what progress we make in our personal lives - strengthening ourselves and educating the people around us - we can run smack into a wall like this. The only advice I can give is to continue doing what you’re doing: tell people about it, and point out why it’s wrong. You may not have been able to say anything at the time, but it’s still helpful that you aren’t silent about this. I wish there was more that we could do; maybe someone smarter has an idea.

Maybe bloggers could amass what works for them on the street on someone’s blog somewhere. (I’d do it, but don’t get a lot of traffic - I’m excited by 5 comments to a post.)

anyways, just glad u’re safe~

We did think of you at the time, Luke, and were disappointed we couldn’t turn our street harassers into a contribution.