We have a female gaming community and website (The Ladies of Hack), though it’s still fairly small at this time, but it does seem to be growing rapidly for such a new site. It’s nice to know there are other women out there looking for gaming friends.

I think there are way more of us out there than we realise. We just need to find each other.

I’d say that the prevalence of female clans, gaming sites, forums, etc. as well as all the statistics on the gender, race, age, etc. of gamers coming out seem to support that theory. Online it’s pretty easy to find each other — I mean, look at my gaming links and you’ll see at least 3 all female gaming sites linked, and my geeky feminist links are are women, most of whom have gaming as an interest.

In real life, though… it’s not so easy, for me at least. Maybe I just need to be more aggressive in creating a gaming community with my female friends.

I think there are way more of us out there than we realise. We just need to find each other.

But I have had the same experience as you. I identify more with the male gamer, then the female gamer. I have met quite a few female gamers, they just think differently then me. Male gamers think differently. But sometimes you meet that “golden group” and wow, doesn’t matter what sex (though those times I didn’t ask were the best).

We had one group or could have been called “clique” in EQ1, we weren’t always on at the same time. But the times we played together were just memorable.

I still have a friend or two in EQ1, but we don’t email each other anymore. I played wow for about a year and a half, and left last month. After playing 15 characters over lvl 45, it just wasn’t challenging. I had an awesome guild too, but the sexist remarks, and other things that happened with in the guild (harrassment) once they knew I was female. Made it very hard to log back in each day. One day I decided I wasn’t going to. Regardless if they would miss me, or needed me. In order for me to be friends with males, I have to put up with certain default actions on my person. Even in real life it’s the same way. I have become disallusioned to their tricks. They don’t impress me and often find myself never associating with them again.

But every time I try to get to know females, I am ostrazised as I do not fit in. I honestly don’t feel the same or feel as though I am a part of either group. It’s distrubing in alot of ways. I want friends, but I am not the kind of person who keeps “aquaintances” if that makes sense. I don’t want to be alone either, and my social skills keep me that way. My fear keeps me that way. Fear of being judged, and found wanting. Fear of my appearance, my ideas, my honesty and integrity. If I express my opinion, (because they asked) I am blunt force honest. Tact has been explained to me more times then I can count. But it just seems wrong. I can spare their feelings on if they ask me if they are fat. But I get the impression that’s not what they want. So I tell them, and of course the usual thing happens. They don’t like my truth.

I wear a mask of silence. It’s very difficult for me to express any opinion of my own to someone else. The internet I have no problem. None. There is nothing to fear here.
but in reallife there is alot to fear. I haven’t over come that fear.

My group in the game (eq1) broke up because I refused to meet anyone in real life. I couldn’t do it. And they took that as a betrayal. I don’t blame them per say, we did group and have fun for 5 yrs together. You would think I wouldn’t have an issue about it. But they haven’t ever called me back after I left the game. What kind of friends does that speak of them? (yes we talked alot on the phone) So I don’t feel I did anything wrong by dening to meet in RL.

But I am there with you. I know what it’s like. I am regretful to find there are other female gamers who also have felt the pain of not fitting in. Where do we fit? I have no clue.

LT