Turning the other [butt]cheek

Astarte might have a budding career as a comedian, ’cause she has the “it’s funny because it’s true” category down pat. In response to the men who came to her blog to read about Hot Girl-on-Girl Action and were sorely disappointed that their privilege was called into question, she has done her best to show the boys out there why we womenfolk are so uppity on the issue of gender parity in video games.

You’ve heard about this great new fantasy game, and you’re really itching to play it. The day it comes out, you’re in line with all of the other people eager to buy the game. You come home and pop it into your console or PC, then turn it on.

At character select, you have a choice between four different female characters and one male character. The female characters are attractive, but they’re dressed as if they’re ready to do battle –“ no skimpy clothing here. They all have detailed stories as to why they’re out on their quest.

The first one seeks ancient tomes to return to her library back home in the hopes that she can crack an ancient spell that she’s been working on for some time. The second one saw her brother killed by the hands of the enemy, and now she seeks revenge of the most bloodthirsty sort. The third one is a mercenary, and she just wants to see blood spilled in exchange for enough drinking money, and the fourth one is seeking riches to build a castle and conquer the southlands.

After reading all of those, you get to the only male option in the game. His stats are the same as all the other characters, but his story is much different, and his clothing is much different. It turns out that his parents turned him out of the family farm because he didn’t want to get married at the age of majority like every other male. Thus, he’s been forced to take his finely-honed martial arts skill out adventuring so that he can find a date. His main weapon is a quarterstaff, and his avatar is dressed in a mesh shirt, leather speedos, and he sports a constant hardon.

[From Fair Play by Astarte]

And the best line from the entire post? Maybe you’ll be able to find some armor along the way to cover up his protruding nipples and bulging sack.

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This entry was posted in Gender issues, Sex, sexuality, and sexual politics, Teh Funnay, The Evil -ism's, Video Games. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Turning the other [butt]cheek

  1. Darth Sidhe says:

    “…protruding nipples and bulging sack.”

    BAHAHAHA!

    Along the same lines, have you read the MSN article about directors for the upcoming Superman movie wanting to digitally edit footage because the actor’s package is too prominent?

  2. Rabboleth says:

    I’m a guy, and a game like that would not offend me in the least. I’d play the male character, if only for cheap laughs. Especially if he made ridiculous orgasmic “pain” sounds when he was hit. Might as well follow that by wet spots on his leather speedos, and “taunts” at his enemies like “harder, HARDER! I’m almost THERE!”

    (No slam intended on masochists… that would be an exercise in self-loathing, and physical pain is much more gratifying.)

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