Comments on: And the rest was… Silence.

By: Anika

Anika — Thu, 29 Sep 2005 04:31:35 +0000

All I can say comes from personal experience. It has worked for me and you might find it helpful. One of the worst things about an abusive relationship is that we often allow the victimization to continue long after the abuse has ceased and the abuser is no longer part of our lives. Anything negative that you do that has as its origin the abuse you suffered, perpetuates that abuse. Only by not allowing the abuse to continue to affect you detrimentally will you ever really free yourself. Think about that, I mean really think about it. Hopefully, one day you will fully understand what I mean and when you do, it will be like wooosh, and you will finally be free from the abuser. Good luck.

By: tekanji

tekanji — Tue, 27 Sep 2005 02:38:36 +0000

I’ll do my best. I’ll be back in WA on Oct 11, so I should be up in Vancouver sometime that weekend. My exact schedule depends on a few appointments and such.

By: joyce

joyce — Tue, 27 Sep 2005 02:29:02 +0000

i look forward to it then~ lol give me a headsup, so i can leap ahead in school work and give u lots of time~

when ARE u back? @.@

By: tekanji

tekanji — Tue, 27 Sep 2005 00:16:46 +0000

Thanks everyone for the support.

Kristy: Added the book to my Amazon wish list. I’ll definitely check it out.

Joyce: Ha, by now you and Thomas know more about my sex/emotional life than most people. ^^; I appreciate the offer. Don’t be surprised if I take you up on it when I get back to the WA/BC area. *hugs*

Nykol: The stupid thing is that it’s easy for me to recognize in other people how much strength it takes to leave. When it comes to myself, though, I don’t have the same sympathy. It’s my responsibility to be strong, my responsibility to have gotten out of the situation when I knew it was bad, my responsibility… for everyone and everything. It’s too much for any one person to handle, and yet I chide myself when I can’t handle it. *sigh*

And I know exactly what you mean about being emotionally strong to risk a relationship. It took me so much to work up the close relationships I had with my two ex-friends and now that they’ve exploded in my face I have to fight my own desire to build my wall even thicker this time. I’m not sure who’s winning, me or the wall.

By: nykol

nykol — Mon, 26 Sep 2005 16:17:37 +0000

tekanji: same here. i was in two different types of abusive relationships - so if you ever feel like talking/emailing about it (with no judgments), i’d be happy to do that. it’s weird how we can beat ourselves up for staying but also forget that it takes much strength to leave. and don’t forget, it takes an emotionally strong person to RISK being in a relationship in the first place. there’s a great number of people who are too rigid, too myopic, and too scared to even try.

By: joyce

joyce — Sun, 25 Sep 2005 18:56:01 +0000

*huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug*
i agree.. ppl always just seem to sprout the same things out of their mouths: “u’ll get over it” “u’re strong”. yet they never really tell you anything besides that… it’s well-meaning and all… but also just doesn’t quite cut it.

talk about it~ on your blog, or u can call me or something. or when u’re visiting vancouver. i’ll listen. (though i can’t gurantee i understand…. ^^”)

By: Kristy

Kristy — Sun, 25 Sep 2005 09:01:43 +0000

Well done for coming open with it all. I know it must have been hard but words have power.

You HAVE to read Derrick Jensens ‘A Language Older Than Words’, one my fav quotes from the book is:

“We don’t stop these atrocities, because we don’t talk about them. We don’t talk about them, because we don’t think about them, because they’re too horrific to comprehend”.

Another from my fav chapter (Silencing):

“Think for a moment about the figure i gave earlier: twenty-five percent of all women in this culture are raped during their lifetimes. One out of four. Next, think for a moment about the number of children beaten, or of the hundred and fifty million, one hundred and fifty million- enslaved, carrying bricks, chained to looms, chained to beds. If you were not one of the women raped, if you were not one of the children beaten, if you were not one of the children enslaved, these numbered probably don’t mean much to you. This is understandable. Consider your own life, the ways you deny your own experience, the ways you have to deaden your empathies to get through the day”