Thanks! I rather like it, too. When I poke it, it jiggles. What could be better than that?

Also, it made me wonder why comments about one’s physical appearance generally are seen as inappropriate and rude except when noting one’s weight loss, as if one should be so happy to have outside acknowledgement of this “progress” that one should ignore basic standards of polite discourse.

I’ve never really thought of that. Negative comments about weight certainly aren’t taboo in my family, but neither is (loudly) telling sexual/fart/other-inappropriate-for-polite-company jokes at a restaurant or other public place.

I, myself, have done my best to get away from the discourse because it makes me uncomfortable when turned on me. It’s to the point where one of my acquaintances came over for my birthday and, only after he had left, did I turn to my friend and ask her if he had been working out. She said yeah and that I should have told him because he would have liked the compliment. It just didn’t occur to me that saying something like that would have been appropriate for me to say to him, even if it was flattering, ya know?

clay said: Physically, thin is considered by men as an ideal attribute in women, along with the ‘fragile blond with pale, virginal-white skin’ that needs to be protected and/or possessed.

And people wonder why I think chivalry needs to die a swift, but complete, death.

Great points, both of you. Thanks so much for your comments!

I think I’m doing all right about the whole weight brainwashing thing; I’m so tired by the end of my day — not enough sleep, work, gym, study — that I just don’t have the energy to obsess about my weight when I finally have a moment to myself. I think it’s also because…well, quite frankly, I was a big fatass about five years ago and I’m a 40-pound-lighter, much-slimmer fatass now, so I’m thinking, “Yeah, I still have a way to go, but damn me if I don’t look pretty good as it is.” I like the fact that I can go out, have a bigass bown of ramen and a double scoop of gelato, and not obsess about whether I can afford it in terms of weight gain, as I used to before I actually got off my behind and started exercising regularly. Which reminds me, I really should take up hapkido or tai chi again…

I have noticed a pattern of formerly big/fat/chunky/whatever women I know becoming far more vocally proud of their bodies than women of the same size who have always been that size are — that is, the ones who didn’t go from obese to underweight and anorexic, but rather who lost weight and now appear to have a healthy self-image. I don’t know if it’s because the formerly tubby women have a feeling of control over their selves or what; I know that I feel confident because I can do things physically now that I never thought I ever could five years ago, and that’s a sense of accomplishment that bled over into other aspects of my life as well. Tangible progress made the difference for me. I mean, jeez, I have cheekbones now! It’s kind of scary at certain angles; I look kind of evil if the shadows are right.

I don’t think this confidence, personally, is because I feel good because I am conforming to social standards of attractiveness, but rather because I feel good about being physically competent, graceful and fit. Whenever I’d get “You lost weight! Wow!” from relatives, doctors and friends (mostly relatives and doctors; the friends are usually better about that sort of thing), I was at a loss at whether I should be flattered or annoyed — flattered because my efforts were visible, but annoyed because this body is just a shell, and I’ve accomplished so much within the body that I thought it outshined anything the shell had accomplished, and nobody could see that. Also, it made me wonder why comments about one’s physical appearance generally are seen as inappropriate and rude except when noting one’s weight loss, as if one should be so happy to have outside acknowledgement of this “progress” that one should ignore basic standards of polite discourse.

I still have a somewhat ambivalent relationship with my body, but I think that has to do more with how I feel as a personality rather than how I feel as a physical object. When I feel knowledgeable, wise, charismatic and competent, I feel as if who I really am extends far beyond the confines of my body, and I feel as if it is too small to contain me. When I feel weak, tired, stale and generally grey, I feel like who I am is so tiny that this body is just taking up extra space, and I feel bloated and as if I am taking up more space than I ought to in the world. But either way, when I look at how I feel, I am happy that I feel no shame in being who I am. If I compare myself with incomparable others, I may feel different, but comparing myself won’t change the fact that at any given point, I am the best person that I can be.