She taught me to see dating/relationships NOT as war between sexes, but a fun Game of two equal but different partners. And the better you know the rules (and the cheats!), the better you play!
Never found any greater guide/cheat book to women than “What really Works….!” J.J.

But this attitude is not confined to men. As a girlfriend of mine said the other day, “When you’re not thin and cute it’s so hard to find someone who ‘clicks’ with you.” What she meant was, “When you don’t look like Angelina Jolie it’s hard to get Brad Pitt’s attention.” Beautiful people, it seems, are in shorter supply than BMWs, and unfortunately they have superficial standards of their own. Enter the commodity fantasy. Maybe there’s some magic way to “trick” the system. Some pickup line or cool automobile or cellulite cream that will enable you to attract a bigger “hottie” than you really deserve. This is the notion that the entire advertising industry is built on.

Ironically, at the end of the day women may actually have it slightly easier. Rather than telling us how to exploit the simplistic minds of beautiful men, our “commodity” messages tell us what’s wrong with ourselves. We’re barraged with the notion that men may not find us attractive if we have wrinkles or wide bottoms, and that we’re on the downhill side of life after age 30. While those messages are certainly degrading and unfair, in the end they may actually force us to become a bit more focused and realistic in our expectations.

Men, on the other hand, receive the exact opposite message. The world is full of con artists peddling the notion that any man can have his choice of the world’s most perfect women, as long as he has the right “abracadabra.” So why settle? “Live it up,” say the hucksters, “sow your oats. Once you perfect your ‘line,’ you’ll have a whole stable of flawless women. You have all the time in the world. Look at Jack Nicholson and Mick Jagger and Hugh Hefner.”

The result is a large pool of lonely “average” people (of both sexes) who find themselves incapable of being physically attracted to other “average” people. I’m not sure I agree that the majority of them see the opposite sex as simply a commodity. The media may present it in that light, but that’s largely because the media is in the business of selling commodities. I think most of us want to find a deep and lasting relationship…. with someone who is ridiculously gorgeous. This is because “ridiculously gorgeous” has become our society’s baseline standard for physical attractiveness.

I don’t presume to pontificate about superficiality, because I myself have been guilty of the same mentality. But I do think it’s critical to ask how we, on a personal level, can step back from this self-destructive approach to sexuality, in the face of so many societal messages that reinforce the contrary. The alternative is a world where the fast majority of us will find it imposssible to start and maintain healthy and satisfying relationships.

Ideas?

calfaile: I vaguely remember some news piece saying the guy himself didnt “follow the game” anymore and while i do think the ending certainly is a less disturbing and realistic point..i think the damage has already been done because while it may have a better ending, the glamour is already there from pages 1-99 excluding #100. my concern is that I see this the same way films like Scarface, goodfellas, the godfather are received in popular culture. in every single story, their lifestyles are immediately envy inducing…but it’s all smoke and mirrors. it all leads to crap and suffering. but the message people walk away with, what they choose to mimic is not always the moral…it’s the fantasy image that is so seductive. Scarface, for example, has been imitated in hiphop culture for years and even though many artists realize that things end very, very poorly for Tony…the message they carry is one of lavish lifestyles, not taking no for an answer, respect through blood money, etc.

As someone who has actually read “the game”, let me say that it’s not what you think. First of all, it’s not a manual, it’s a story. Surprisingly it’s a story about the ultimate mysogyny and stupidity of the pick-up world. Second of all, the author (who was apparently voted top pick up artist), eventually gives up the game in favour of a real relationship (where his extensive pick up experience gives him no help).

I think that it’s a book that should be given to any guy who believes in those pick-up manuals. Not a feminist book by any stretch (what do you expect from the guy who co-authored “how to make love like a porn star”), but not as mysogynistic as it initially appears.

I know you were worried about taking too long writing this, but it was well worth the wait.

I suppose it’s a step above “oh, just don’t pay attention to what she wants,” but that’s small comfort.