More importantly, nearly everyone here, no matter their stance in the issue, seems to allued to one universal commonality (we as Americans often have), which is that people, generally (and regrettably) do not spend much time with folks outside of their own socio-economic “caste.”

I am proud to say that I have attended social gatherings with both the homeless and billionaires, and everyone in between, and thankfully, I have found only the middle class (in which I was raised) hopelessly caught up in the sort of control oriented social etiquette mentioned here.

Nothing’s worse than seeing your friend suffer through a cheap dish of pasta because you couldn’t convince them to let you spend the extra $8 to buy their favorite entree.

Sailorman: my solution to this is to ask them what courses sound appealing to them before they order. If it sounds like they’re ordering based on price, I can suggest some other courses I’d think they’d like.

On the other hand, one of my favorite dishes at the local upscale Italian place could be classified as “a cheap dish of pasta.”

Respecting the wishes of your host IS mannerly. You merely need to trust your guests.

There is one instance, though, when I wish I could always have priceless menus: When taking a non-foodie friend (or worse yet, someone like my grandmother) out to dinner. Some folks will always order the cheapest thing (as opposed to what they want) and it’s a pity. Nothing’s worse than seeing your friend suffer through a cheap dish of pasta because you couldn’t convince them to let you spend the extra $8 to buy their favorite entree. Priceless menus are a boon in those circumstances, as are prix fixe menus.

One I do like the old world charm, manners and touch of class, but…..

I can also see very well the class warfare, exclusion and rudness to ones income or spending habits.

My solution would be to have a small disclaimer reading ” prices available upon request ” Or have the waiter spiel smoothly to the patron ” We are glad to assist your expierince and put you at ease regarding special needs alergies or budget constraints ”

That to me would entitle the waiter, if he “or she ” followed through competently with the sentiment, to a large tip

Also, my relatives have some pretty spectacular fights over who gets to pay the bill as well.

Sigel, I hear you on the stereotype. As a multiracial (Chinese/Scottish/English) Australian I always find that in my mind as well. Like you, I have perfectly good reasons to penny-pinch. I’m a student living by myself on a welfare income. If I don’t penny-pinch, it all goes a bit wrong. But the thought of reinforcing that ‘Chinese = cheap, etc’ stereotype worries me. However, for me it’s somewhat tempered by the fact that my Chinese relatives and companions will fight over who gets to pay the bill at a restaurant with a stubborness and vehemence that other companions rarely display, and I often point that out to people when they bring up the cheapness thing.

At the same time, though, it feels weird making a conscious effort to *not* penny pinch because of the stereotype worry, because then I have to wonder whether I’m displaying a sort of “See? I’m not like the rest of them” sort of vibe; not to mention acting in a way that’s not particularly helpful to my own needs. I’m not sure if that’s clear enough, but it’s sort of a more general question of whether we really strip power from a stereotype by acting in the explicitly opposite way. Note, I’m not saying that you do that, but I’ve seen quite a few people who do act against the stereotype for the sake of acting against it, and I can’t help but wonder how useful that is. I don’t know.

One more thing, about the pressure not to be “cheap”: as a Chinese-American, I’m well aware of the stereotype of Chinese people as cheap. (I do penny-pinch, but it’s only “in my blood” because I learned it from my dad, not because I inherited some ancient Oriental instinct to save money.) I always feel uncomfortable when I or my Asian companions ask about prices, use coupons, go to sales, etc. But my white companions? I feel fine when they do it. We’re all roughly of the same economic background, so class issues don’t really come into play.

It probably wouldn’t be hugely difficult to just say, “screw it, I’ll be cheap if I want,” but … the worry is still there that I’m reinforcing stereotypes.