I know this installment was supposed to be about the greater “boy’s club” of gaming, but getting a new gaming group here has brought some more personal issues to the forefront. In particular, being “one of the boys” (but not really). You see, I can never be “one of the boys” because, well, I’m not a boy. Or a male. Or so much male identified, although I tend to fit more into “masculine” gender roles than “feminine” ones. I am female, and that’s enough to set me apart because my main gaming group consists of two men.

I know of two women here who like games, but I haven’t had a chance to have them over to play yet (one of them was supposed to come Saturday, but apparently her previous engagement went long, so she didn’t make it). It also doesn’t help that the guys I game with live in my building, whereas the women I want to game with don’t. For reasons that I want to explore, it seems harder for me to form primary gaming communities with women. I could brush it off here as random obstacles — physical distance, language barriers (the men are American, the women are Taiwanese), etc — but, I think it goes deeper than that.

Do the sexes game differently? Is my inability to game “like a woman” what keeps me out of primarily female gaming environments? Is that fundamental difference why I often feel like an interloper in my gaming communities? I don’t know, really, but I want to find out.

Read the rest…

I know I haven’t been around lately, and I’m sorry. I have some posts half finished, but I haven’t had the time lately. I have a big test on Monday (continued on Wednesday), but Golden Week is coming up so maybe when I get back from Nagoya I’ll have some time. But, while you’re waiting with bated breath for more words of wisdom from me, let me point you to a post by regular reader and poster here, Darth Sidhe.

I haven’t actually read the news article that spawned the original discussion that lead to her post, but question asked was thus: If we take it that Editor (woman) brings home Drunk Guy, eventually says no to sex, he goes off elsewhere, then comes back to “her” room. In actuality, it’s Roomate’s room. Roomate is sleeping and he initiates sex with her. She wakes up and, thinking Drunk Guy is her boyfriend, doesn’t resist. She later finds out that Drunk Guy was not, in fact, her boyfriend and is pressing charges. Is Drunk Guy guilty of rape?

In Washington state (the state I identify as my home state), hell yeah he is. While alcohol is one of the factors for removing consent, I’m fairly sure it’s trumped by, you know, having sex with a sleeping person (who hasn’t consented to have sex with you under those conditions). As Darth Sidhe also points out — Editor, the woman Drunk Guy thought he was sleeping with — had already said no.

It seems pretty cut and dried, right? Well, not in the community that Darth Sidhe found the question in. She has this to say on the matter:

I’m still pretty much confused by the reactions. Several comments, disturbingly, assert that since Roommate was sober and Drunk Guy was not, she was raping him, largely ignoring the fact that Drunk Guy initiated sex with an unconscious woman. Does someone who wakes up to being fucked by a drunk person have the legal responsibility to do everything they can to stop sex or else be considered a rapist? That sounds ludicrous, yet could the letter of the law protect such a thing? I imagine that if the conscious, drunk person regretted the sex, they could legally press charges.

Anyway, go read the post and the discussions. I think they say a lot about the way Americans view rape that isn’t violent stranger rape. I’m leaving comments on for the time being, but I’d like to remind any potential posters that victim blaming is not allowed on this blog. Keep the discussion civil or I will delete your comment and ban you without notice. This is non-negotiable.

As I find myself being more and more vague when talking about dating, I realize that nobody knows what my sexual orientation is. Maybe I’m becoming more aware from getting closer to my queer friends, or finally feeling comfortable enough to talk about sex when I talk to other women (of all persuasions).

Well, it’s about time I outed myself in honor of Blog Against Heteronormity Day because heteronormity is what made me default to straight. Well, this is my first public admittance: I don’t consider myself a heterosexual.

It feels good to say that. So what am I?

Read the rest…

Today is “Blog Against Heteronormativity Day” (April 22).

Instigated and hosted by Nubian at Blac(k)ademic, this blogging event aims to raise awareness about heteronormativity.

If you’re participating, or if you just want to show your support, you can pick up a full-sized version of this ice cream badge at Blac(k)ademic and stick it on your blog or website.

For further details, see Blac(k)ademic, “blogging against heteronormativity“.

Apparently someone who can only be bitter about me banning him made the letters of a Salon article. Under the heading, “Are Feminists Necessary?” he writes this multi-paragraph treatise that, frankly, I didn’t read. I sort of thought that his invoking the idea that feminists = Republicans was close enough to invoking Godwin’s Law for me to pass him off at losing at the internet. But I did have to read the paragraph in which I got an honourable mention – no link though, too bad.

The guy, who signed off as Two Sides To The Story (not that you’ll ever learn that) — his aside is ironic, given that unless people find my site they won’t ever actually learn the true context behind what he claims — had this to say:

On one of the links off Carnival Of Feminists (provided in another Boradsheet post) – “Official Shrub” – there’s a rule that says male writers can’t post opinions on the message board that point out that men suffer from discrimination, as well. Preposterously, they actually have a term for it – they call it: “What About The Mens Phallusy?” – which is meant to be satiric and clever, but actually only proves how fascist feminists still are in their thinking, and their desire to completely control the conversation.

Ignoring the fact that this is a, you know, blog and not a message board (a small, but significant difference), let’s just take a gander at what I actually say about men’s issues:

No Hijacking of Threads
Off-topic discussions are tolerated to a certain extent. I understand that threads can, and often do, take a life of their own. However, an attempt to come into a discussion for the express purpose of disrupting the main conversation will be seen as trolling. This includes invoking The “What About the Mens?” Phallusy with arguments like, “but this happens to men, too!” or otherwise trying to shift the focus from an oppressed group onto the individual oppressions a majority group faces. It’s one thing to relate one’s experiences and opinions when appropriate, but bringing up how the poor mens/whites/heterosexuals/etc. have problems, too, when the author’s discussion was about the institutionalized or individual acts of oppression of a minority is not appropriate. Any comment that tries to de-rail a thread is subject to either a warning or deletion, depending on how severe the infraction.

What that means is that if I make a thread that includes a platform for discussion of masculinities, then of course it’s appropriate. But if I’m talking about women, then it’s so fucking rude to come on here and be like, “But [x] happens to men, too!” Okay, great, but that’s not anywhere near my point. If you want to talk about that and feel I don’t give it enough airtime, go elsewhere. I give links. Lots of links. This is my soapbox, you see. Mine. Not yours. And, frankly, if you’re so steeped in your own privilege that you are unable to see the distinction, well, then maybe you deserved whatever ban I gave you for whatever reason.

And remember, ye anti-feminist trolls of jerkitutde, Feminists don’t hate men, we just hate you.

Via reader Darth Sidhe.

Issue number 13 of The Carnival of Feminists is out now!

Hosted by Terry of I See Invisible People, this issue offers up a diverse collection of writings from feminist blogs.

Well done Terry. Do stop by and leave a comment if you think she’s produced a good issue – comments are like manna from heaven for those hard-working Carnival Hosts.

Better late than never, neh? The Carnival of Bent Attractions #5 is up over at jay sennett jaywalks. No topics per say, but Jay has this to say: “Each submissions reminds of the importance of our bodies, that we live in them; that people hurt us because of what we do with our bag of bones.”

Via one of my friends, A Chink in the Armour is a light hearted documentary that explores the stereotypes about Asians (specifically Chinese) in North America (specifically Toronto). There was a lot of fluff in it, but I think it would make a nice segue into talking more about racism against Asians in Western culture. (Hint, hint)

I upgraded WP and forgot to update my AuthImage code to match. Subsequently I’ve been getting spam. Lots of spam. I will update it soon, but I’m already late for meeting my friends to go to Nagoya, so I’ve turned off non-registered comments. All features should be back to normal by tomorrow (my tomorrow).

I apologize for any inconvenience this causes.

Update: Okay, it should be fixed now. Sorry for that, folks.

Ragnell is trying to spread awareness for a new organization called Friends of Lulu. I don’t have the time to write about it myself, so here’s her e-mail instead (formatted for blog):

Hello everyone.

I started http://womenincomics.blogspot.com (and lurking around your sites, actually) because I noticed a sharp increase of social awareness posts in a blogging community where a Feminist is someone who argues that Wonder Woman can beat Superman in a fight (and it was a tie AGAIN last time). A lot of people were thinking about women in comics because a column described a sexual assault at a convention. It didn’t name names, because the legal difficulties were still being ironed out

Anyway, today Ronee (the columnist) did a follow-up story. Taki Soma describes, in her own words, what happened to her which is something that takes a lot in the comics industry. It’s heavily male dominated, which I think is due to being left by the wayside during the women’s movement and a major sense of entitlement among the men who’ve been entrenched in it for a long time. There are a number of sexual harassment horror stories in the archives of WFA and in the columns and blogs of female workers/ex-workers.

In response, the Friends of Lulu, our resident Feminist organization, has put together a fund for fees when a woman in the industry wants to take legal action in sexual harassment/assault cases.

Unfortunately, our community is small, and news travels slowly beyond the main fan-sites. I’m mailing you specifically because I know you all get a lot more traffic than either of my little blogs, and I felt this deserved a wider distribution than I could give it.

If you can, please help spread awareness for Friends of Lulu so that it can continue to effectively fight for the rights of women in the comic book industry.

Looking random shit up on GameFaqs during a study break (and this is only the second day of classes, people! Studying > me), I came across this GameStop ad. I really do think it speaks for itself.

I have been a gamer almost all of my life. I was 4, maybe 5, when a cousin who was staying with us introduced me to Dragon Warrior. I could barely get my character around the world, but I was in love. I played with my mom, I played with my best friend, I got calls from the elder brother of a family friend when he and his friends were stuck in games like Zelda. When I was old enough, I started playing them by myself. I bonded with many of my friends over my Nintendo, or Genesis, and later my SNES.

It wasn’t until high school, though, that I realized I wasn’t quite welcome in the greater gaming community. I would be at a party held by my male gamer friends and they would all gather around the N64 and play Goldeneye or Mario Party and I wouldn’t be welcome. It’s not like they said, “No, Andrea, you can’t play this,” but if I tried, they’d do little things like forget my turn, or gang up on me first, etc. I don’t think they meant to do it, but they still did. So I started just playing games alone. If I got to the parties early enough, I could hog the big TV and play Space Channel Five or whatever, but if not then I was stuck in another room playing whatever PSX game was available. Unless people were in there trying to play Marvel vs. Capcom or Street Fighter or something. Then I just sat around and watched. Which suited everyone just fine. Everyone, except me. Fighting and shooting games are probably the most shitass boring things to watch.

Read the rest…

This is a subject that is very personal for me. So personal, in fact, that my original introduction was too bitter, too angry, and not productive enough to be considered suitable for this blog. I posted it in feminist_gamers instead. The incident that lead to all this, in which some feminist gamers blogged about their disappointment with Oblivion and male gamers got nasty about it, made me think, yet again, about my own experiences in the gaming community. About the arguments about “female gaming” sites. About how “gaming site” is synonymous with “male gaming site”, even if it has female subscribers. And it made me sad. No, worse, it made me sick. This is my life. This is what I put up with day after day.

All I want is to have communities available to me that aren’t exclusively for women. I want to be able to be seen as an equal — not a “gamer-lite”, not a potential date, not a Second Class Geek — in gamer groups that include men in them. I want to be able to talk about the issues I see in a game without male gamers dismissing the concerns as “ridiculous” or making “jokes” about panty fights (what the hell is a panty fight, anyway?) and making dinner and whatever. I want to be taken seriously, as a serious gamer, and a serious human being. And I want to finally have a gaming community that accepts me, not despite of who I am, but because of it.

I have written in the past about gaming communities from the perspective of examining what, exactly, defines a community. In revisiting this subject, I would like to focus on gender issues in the communities. The first post will be on my personal experiences being a woman trying to find gaming communities throughout my life. The second will be on how general gaming communities are “boy’s clubs,” with a look a recent kerfluffle more-or-less started by a popular gaming site, Kotaku. I’m going to leave the series open ended for now, since I may want to write more on it in the future.

So, after a few awful mishaps that shall not be named, I’m in Japan, in my place, have power for my computer, and just waiting for classes to start on Monday. For kristy, since she asked in the previous thread, I’m going to be at this school for 1 to 2 years (however long it takes me to become fully fluent) and then I hope to find a job and work here for a few more years.

I’m not quite returning to blogging yet, as the classes will be intense and I’ll need to catch my stride (here’s to hoping I can get a good sized study group going…) but I wanted to update all of you and send out the love. I’ll try to respond to comments on the Male Gaze thread as soon as possible.

When I was seventeen, I was eating a piece of chicken on the back porch when Quistis and Beula, two of the family hens, hovered begging. I indulged my pets with all fondness, and felt unsettled. How was the animal on my plate different than the pets I was sharing my meal with? Chickens were my favorite animals; I bonded with them like people bond with their dog or cats. So why was it I could eat a chicken I had never met, but the thought of doing the same to a cat turned my stomach? Identifying this discomfort was one of many catalysts that continues to shape who I am.

Read the rest…

The Carnival of Feminists XI is out at Written World. Topics include sexy heroines, comics, body image, television, the Duke Rapes, birth and more. There are a lot of new-comers to the carnival included I recommend checking out.

The second edition of the Big Fat Carnival is up at This ain’t livin’. Topics include positive body image, love of food, fat portrayal in the media, and self esteem.

And if you haven’t heard, the third Radical Women of Color Carnival is out at blac(k)ademic. Topics include the Duke rapes, tension in the blog community, the intersection of racism and sexism, poetry, media, and solidarity.

Yeah, I know, great day to make this post. “Hey readers, instead of doing a super funny April Fool’s joke, I’m letting you know that you won’t hear from me for a while! How long? Well, however long it takes me to 1) get to Japan, 2) settle in, and 3) feel hopelessly lost without my blog.” Yeah, well, that’s life. I’m off tonight to Seattle to spend the night so I don’t have to get up at like 3am to catch my 10am flight out tomorrow. Then it’s unpacking, placement testing, and then school begins.

Ariel has agreed to hold down the fort, and we may have a guest blogger or two (FYI, if anyone’s interested in guest blogging – now or later – drop me an e-mail and I’ll see about hooking you up). I didn’t get all my posts done that I wanted to, but at least I finally got the one about Ragnell’s call for subs up. Although it’s kind of half-assed. And I probably won’t get to reply to any comments for a while. Oh well.

Hopefully I’ll be back on the web by the 4th, but knowing my luck something will go wrong with my LAN connection. But I’m not a pessimist or anything. Anyway, wish me luck and I’ll be back to blogging as soon as I can!

I have been meaning to make this post for ages now (pretty much ever since Ragnell put out her first call for subs for the feminist carnival), but unfortunately it has come at a time where I’m freaking out over my last minute arrangements. This will, in fact, be my last real post for a while (more details to follow in my actual last post for a while).

When Ragnell put up what she thought was a fairly neutral image of Diana (that’s Wonder Woman, the Amazon warrior for justice and peace and stuff, for those of you not in the know) reading. I looked at it and “perfect example of the male gaze” is what stared right back at me. Me – thinking nothing of making such a comment on a blog by a woman who waxes poetically about the colour yellow and what it means when used in a Green Lantern comic – well, let’s just say I was surprised that pretty much none of her regulars agreed with me. At all. Even Ragnell herself wasn’t fully on board with my interpretation.

And that got me thinking: Have we become so desensitized to female sexuality that it reads as “neutral” to us when not in an obvious setting?

Read the rest…

The Carnival of Empty Cages #1 today is out at vegankid. Topics include speciesism and intersecting forms of oppression, animal cruelty, choice, and of course food.

I’ll be hosting the next issue here on June 1, 2006. Please E-mail me or comment here if you’d like to submit a post. The deadline will be May 30th. The issues theme will be passion. What animal liberation or veganism/vegetarianism gets you going? Spending time with your companion animals? Inventing recipes? Working at a shelter? Building solidarity with other social activists? Raising vegan children? The theme is just a suggestion, of course. You don’t need to be vegan to participate so long as your post isn’t contradictory to the carnival’s dedication to animals, animal liberation, and animal rights. If you write a special interest blog, I encourage you to discuss animals in relation to your blog’s theme. I look forward to reviewing your submissions!